Now We Can Call Her Sarah Pile-on

For me, the most amazing aspect of tonight’s speech by Pile-on was how she kept part of the Bee going even with her hair down. This is a hell of a lot more impressive than field dressing a moose in my book.

 

Also, I have to admit that watching a crowd where men outnumber women by 2 to 1 scream out chants of “Drill Baby Drill” is something that may haunt me for a long time.

 

I didn’t hear word one from any of tonight’s speakers about the economy, health care, job losses, global warming, defending the Bill of Rights or opposing torture as un-American. However, I did get schooled on a few things.

 

5 things I learned tonight watching the Republican convention

1. Big Mac was a prisoner of war
2. Rudy was in NYC on 9/11
3. Images of an infant being passed like a trophy football are very disturbing
4. Referring to women as “Babe” and “Hot” is not sexist, but “shrill” is so offensive to women we may need a constitutional amendment to protect us against its usage
5. McCain Campaign Manager Rick Davis was totally serious when he said: “This election is not about issues.”

 

Still Angry, but Curious Too

Does anyone know if when Republican delegates hold up signs that say “SERVICE” whether they get it that a waiter isn’t going to appear with a menu?

 

The Official List of What Makes the Left Angry

Tonight W. called a bunch of people in this country angry. It was amazing. He actually got something right. 

 

Right-wing rumor mongers want us to believe everyone with an ACLU card gets a copy of The Official List of What Makes the Left Angry, but that just isn’t true. We get the Special Whistle that only other angry people can hear. Only a few really pissed off people have access to The List. I’m one of them and to further thoughtful national discourse on the important issues facing this country, I’m publishing The List here for the first time.

 

The Official List of What Makes the Left Angry

1. Rain on our parades
2. Dead puppies
3. The Dodgers winning a pennant.

Wait…Hold on..….That’s the wrong list.

 

Since I can’t seem to find my copy of the list to help explain some of the Left’s Unfavorite Things, let’s focus instead on what “anger” in this context actually means.

 

Patriotism. 

Anger = Patriotism.

There that was simple.

Bummer in St. Paul, Part II

So Karl Rove and Dick Cheney can’t actually control the weather.  Who knew?

 

After a milder than expected Gustav besieged a much better prepared Gulf States, the Republicans have no choice but to resume their conventional convention. Having Laura and Cindy lead daily telethons didn’t pan out. Instead, we’ll have W appearing by satellite (had that only happened more often, one might think) followed by the undead in the form of Fred Thompson and the unloved in the person of Big Mac’s BFF, Joe L. 

 

Today’s convention theme is:  “Who is John McCain.” Maybe tomorrow’s will be: “Who in the hell is Sarah Palin?”

 

Erratum to yesterday’s post:  Way more than a dozen protesters have been arrested. St. Paul is getting its money’s worth by arresting more than 300 people and charging half of them with felonies. I’m fully supportive of having the anti-social morons (aka “the anarchists”) held responsible for property damage to businesses, but the right to free expression – particulary dissent deserves greater protection than store windows. The former can’t be nearly as easily repaired as the latter.

Bummer in St. Paul

This is turning into a bad week for St. Paul.  Hotel rooms are being cancelled. Balloons and party hats will have to find another day to come out and play with the Grand Old Party.  Heck, less than a dozen protesters have been arrested even though the Twin Cities have taken more security measures to safeguard against democratic expression than the US did to protect Baghdad museums and Iraqi pipelines after The Statute came tumbling down.

 

On the other hand, I have to believe the RNC is pretty happy with how things are turning out. You may think I’m either daft or just plain stupid for suggesting the GOP is well-served by having their convention turn into a telethon for hurricane relief. But hang with me, here.

 

The combo punch of Gustav and Bristol Palin behaving as nature intended has knocked the Convention-That-Couldn’t off the front lines of media coverage and voters’ minds. (Newsflash to the evangelicals: asking teenagers to abstain from sex really isn’t as effective as sex education that teaches about birth control.)

 

The Republican convention couldn’t:

• Match the Democratic Convention in terms of symbolic imagery. Caroline Kennedy introducing Uncle Teddy who then delivered a rousing pass-the-baton speech was great TV, as well as a beautiful historic moment.
• Match the Democratic Convention visuals of thousands of people of all colors and races looking like…. well, looking like the US does. Showing the same black woman, Asian man and Latino (we think he is anyway because of the moustache) among a sea of white faces might have reminded folks a GOP gathering really does look like Sunday at the country club.
• Match the Democratic Convention for drama and oratory. (Btw, the words weren’t just pretty; they had depth and detail.) For examples, you need look no further than the Clintons and Obama with a little Biden and Schweitzer thrown in for fun.
• Match the Democratic Convention for Nobel Peace Prize Winners.

 On the other hand, the Republican Convention could have showcased:

• Another poorly delivered, stunningly familiar stump speech from Big Mac to his “friends.”
• An undoubtedly not-yet-ready for prime time Sarah with a lot to explain from the biggest stage of her life.
• Joe Lieberman pissing off even more Democrats, in addition to some Republicans that can’t understand why he and John are BFF.
• George Bush. And Dick Cheney.

The best brains in the Republican Party have got to be feeling pretty good that instead of having to try and spin a mediocre convention into something meaningful, they can instead shift the focus to the Gulf States and “family values.”